i surrender!

the song says it best...

i'm tired of all my sad stories

i'm finished with my fear

i'm going kamikaze in the new year

i close my eyes to remember

where your lashes meet your cheeks

i stay in bed all afternoon

surrender

get some pleasure from my...

i found your old photograph

i remember you in it

but mostly i remember myself when i took it

another year is folding up

and all the stars you see above

are stars i still haven't met yet

surrender

get some pleasure from my

pleasure...get some...

'cause endings and beginnings 

are for people who love winning

and ours is a cold world

there's a course in miracles

i'm thinking of enrolling

'cause i'm not playing this game anymore

buenos aires se ve tan susceptible...

caminando por las calles de palermo ni se lo que siento no existe la palabra,

solo suena en mi cabeza aquella cancion de cerati que dice:

"me veras volar 

por la ciudad de la furia

donde nadie sabe de mi

y yo soy parte de todo"

y ciertamente a sido asi, buenos aires es impactante

y no hay mejor manera de describirla 

 le debo el mejor ano de mi vida 

es triste pensar que ya no despertare aqui

que todo vuelve a cambiar

pero es asi, lo unico constante es el cambio

 detesto las despedidas, pero esta definitivamente es la peor

aunque llevo conmigo mas que recuerdos

un pedacito que es mio de aqui

realmente desde mis ojos

buenos aires se ve... tan susceptible...

...they make it look so easy, connecting with another human being, as if nobody told them it's the hardest thing in the world...

-dexter

esta noche...

tengo ganas de perderme y vivir una nueva aventura
que me complique todos mis dias y sacuda mi cabeza..

today is a sad day,
i've started living the beginning of the end here...

inexplicable freedom!

if i had to choose a word to describe this moment it would be freedom which  i looked up and found that is defined as the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint but then when I come to think of it it's really more, this is inexplicable freedom....   

if i look the same

walk and talk like i used to

probably made some of the same mistakes

but if i feel and think completely different

am i still the same me?

mi silencio

si siento cosas y no las expreso no cuentan,
se perderan en el tiempo?
si pienso cosas y no las demuestro,
se vuelven inexistente?
es necesario comunicarlo todo,
o podra alguien escuchar mi silencio?

inevitable

with time i have forgotten:
your smile and how it tasted
your hair and how i played with it
your hands and how it fit into mines
your eyes and the way they stared at me
the fact that you were here just months ago
but sometimes its inevitable to remember how you made me feel...

doing what i love....

                                                        
                                                        

november

 it's spring here, not falland feels kinda weird to have the seasons go backwards,
but oh sweet november means it's almost over and i'm holding on tight wanting to stop time...

abbey road

                                                                                buenos aires, argentina

the simple things

all i want is
love that is real
laughs that are loud
honesty always
hugs that are constant
improvised fun
and space to dance


i desire the simple things...

existen canciones y olores que logran revivir momentos y recordar personas que aunque ya no esten siempre seran parte de nosotros....

truth

theres something about the truth thats bittersweet.
not truth thats spoken.
words are so easily thrown around and superfluous.
but truth that is screamed through actions,
unintentionally observed and felt.
but although  the truth can mostly be painful,
its always relieving to know the facts
accompanied by a bittersweet clarity of things....

i'm sorry, but it's too hard watching you do this to yourself, and maybe what i said was wrong but still it comes from the rightest place in my heart.

over and over again....

Change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. 
It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. 
The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. 
The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. 
Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life.
If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. 
Like at any moment, we can be born all over again,

-meredith grey

settle

i watch how everyday he gives you dreams and then the next day as he shatters them down
i listen to your laughter but then i can't understand the sobbing as you cry
and i wonder how can you live with the disappointments and the lies?

i guess being alone is so scary that you much rather settle for loving with all your heart
and being loved back occasionally

me!

 i am not going to be the person i'm expected to be.                                                            

i've learned to be me, in whatever shade of color i'm in...

i like to remind myself of the pain,
when alls at peace and my mind is clear
and somethings new around the corner
i like to remember the past, make sure i recognize my feelings
remember who i am and to say always as much as i need to
because i can't be prepared for what the heart does
but i'm smart enough to remember i can be terribly disappointed...

sentimientos encontrados!

aveces extrano estar alla o mas bien no estar alla sino cosas especificas
como mi mami, mis amigos, mi carro pero no se si es exactamente estar alla
pero quisiera volver a estar con tantas personas pero sin irme de aqui,
me da tanta ansiedad pensar que los dias pasan y que se termina mi estadia aqui
en esta gran ciudad donde e descubierto tanto de mi  y e aprendido tanto
son como  sentimientos encontrados que tengo cuando estoy despierta y deberia estar durmiendo...

desde que las excusas se inventaron, ya no existen los errores.

(en letra bold grande porque me quilla y punto)

expectations

                                  no one believes that their life will turn out just kind of okay. 

                                                we all think we are going to be great. 

                         and from the day we decide to be something, we are filled with expectation. 

                                           great expectations of who we will be, where we will go. 

                                                                        and then... we get there.

impotencia provocada

escribir para mi siempre ha sido mas fácil
las palabras salen de mi sin tener que rebuscarlas
aunque solo aveces logro expresarlas
porque entre tanto que quiero decir, no encuentro como concretarlas
es que no es tristeza ni soledad, es algo mas complejo
es algo que no logro comunicar
no es relacionado al amor, ni la amistad
ni con el futuro y mucho menos el pasado
son mas bien preguntas a mi misma que quisiera responder
muchas veces no puedo articular,
es como una rara sensacion de impotencia provocada
en la que me gusta permanecer....

feliz al cuadrado

feliz al cuadrado por que las tengo aqui
a mis mejores amigas en mi otro pais,
y es como si el tiempo no hubiese pasado
aunque contamos con nuevos planes y aventuras
ahora siento cuanto las extranaba
las quiero cada dia un poquito mas

transparente...

yo quiero ser transparente
 lograr reflejar exactamente lo que pienso
sin poder esconder lo que siento
quisiera
que mis ojos expongan mis suenios
mis manos sostengan mis ideas
mis labios expresen nada mas que la verdad
y que todo mi ser  refleje lo que soy

yo quiero ser transparente

el corazon...

resulta que no funciona por mas que nos preparemos,
que tratemos de controlarlo, que dictemos normas de conducta,
planifiquemos que hacer y no hacer y anticipemos los sucesos
el corazon hace lo que quiere y no acepta negociaciones...

i was wrong, you were right. i miss you!

you

i don't want to put in to words what you mean to me
and i don't want express how you made me feel
all i want you to know is you are the best mistake i ever made...

part of me...

to the boy who:
blew kisses
held my hand
gave me smiles
and had snowball fights with me

the same boy who:
cooked
walked miles to see me
talked about life
and watched chick flicks with me

although distance is still the same

i'm glad you we're a part of me

dream within a dream...

Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now, Thus much let me avow- You are not wrong, who deem That my days have been a dream; Yet if hope has flown away In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none, Is it therefore the less gone? All that we see or seem Is but a dream within a dream. I stand amid the roar Of a surf-tormented shore, And I hold within my hand Grains of the golden sand- How few! yet how they creep Through my fingers to the deep, While I weep- while I weep! O God! can I not grasp Them with a tighter clasp? O God! can I not save One from the pitiless wave? Is all that we see or seem But a dream within a dream? -Edgar Allan Poe

no me gusta...

no me gusta sonar contigo,
me recuerda lo que me pierdo dia tras dia de tu vida,
de las historias que ya no me cuentas, las ideas que no discutimos y de las hipotesis que ya no hacemos
pero mas que nada, no me gusta para nada sonar que algo esta por suceder y yo no estare ahi para compartirlo contigo...

palabras...

tropiezo con aquellas palabras que una vez dije e intento esconderlas,
vuelvo y resbalo pero ya no encuentro que hacer con ellas
entonces decido reorganizarlas, cambiarles el sentido y desarmalas
no, no prefiero hacer acertijos, jugar con ellas
inventar  juegos y cocinar sopa de letras
pero finalmente decidi crear palabras nuevas que solo tu entiendas...

she and i,

have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead...

la distancia nos une

la distancia me hace pensar
en todo como era y como sera
en como gira y se convierte en otra cosa

la distancia me aleja
pero me permite diferenciar lo que inventamos de lo real
en quienes importan y quienes solo estan

la distancia me deja imaginar y aveces un poco mas,
pero ya no quiero adivinar
prefiero esperar

pero de todos modos,
a su manera y sin explicacion
la distancia nos une....

wonder...

and i wonder are we forever connected with the people we love?
in some way are we forever aware of each other? no matter the circumstances?
or is it just me and these bizarre dreams that are trying to tell me something?

making mistakes...

i've set the rule book aside
and decided to make mistakes
don't know what this means
but at least i'm trying..

any differently...

its often said thats its important to know what we want in life and that positive thinking will lead us to a healthier life but sometimes understanding exactly what is it that we want, can lead us to precisely  the opposite and confuse us, because we're in this constant need of being happy and were under the impression that this has something to do with not being alone and so we thrive for companionship regularly in the wrong places, but were comfortable and then we're shocked when we're betrayed or disappointed, but how can we expect any more if deep down were not truly honest to ourselves, that others will be any differently...

Gandhi said what ever you do in life will be insignificant but its very important that you do it because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into you life and your half of you says your no way ready and the other half says make them yours forever...

-remember me 

merry happy

   like the song,

 i lean against the wind

        pretend i am weightless and in this moment

                i am happy....

                                                         genuine happiness is scarce these days
                                                       happiness that comes from within
                                                   relies on nothing but is reflected in everything
                                                       happiness!
                                                                   i'm enjoying every minute of mine...

the familiar...

It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life. As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Youre hope can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self. Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to state's of bliss, the more confused we get - to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

-meredith grey

todo..

"todo pasa por algo,
todo llega  en el momento adecuado,
todo cae por su propio peso,
todo se transforma"
ya no son solo palabras citadas que lei en algun lugar
que sirven para alentar y manternos fuerte
hoy son verdades palpables de las que tengo prueba y cicatrizes
las cuales me han hecho conocedora de que todo esto es real 

y que efectivamente como dicen por ahi la vida misma presenta las facturas.. 

madurar

madurar es asumir lo que el corazon esta sintiendo
sin mentiras, ni rodeos y mucho menos verguenza
es simplemente aceptarnos...

desagradable...

desagradable sensacion
de no poder decirte lo que pienso
molestoso sentimiento en realidad
de  no saber si realmente dices la verdad
es incomoda la inseguridad

la noche

me entrego a la noche y salgo a bailar
acuerdo con la luna dejarme llevar
los tragos sirven para encender
mientras el ritmo se apodera de mi ser
de repente hace calor
y te siento rozar

me dejo envolver en tus besos
esos besos que son veneno
provocados por sustancias quimicas
ocasionando reacciones toxicas
que me traicionan
pero quiero mas

me pierdo en el momento
y la noche llega a su final,
tu deseas continuar,
pero yo solo quiero regresar

igual...

con el tiempo te daras cuenta igual que las demas que lo quiero pero solo de una manera
y que nuestra relacion es solo lo que es,
ni menos ni mas...

este instante...

este instante no es intercambiable
camino sobre mis planes y observo mis suenos hecho realidad
y no puedo dejar de sonreir, es impresionante...

este instante es imborrable
aprendo sobre las variables
de lo que significa tropezar y el andar
la importancia de errar y de pensar antes de actuar
y para que sirve el dolor y de como funciona el amor..

bailo al esperar
canto al transitar
y juego a despertar
este preciso instante es como irreal ...

new..

new things, new people, new home, new adventures, new country, new sensations, new dreams, new clothes, new number, new doors, new friends, new games, new ways, new love, new communications, new bed, new perspectives, new dreams, new shoes, new plans, new culture, new challenges, new moon, new pictures, new boys, new windows,
alls change, now every things new...

dissapointment...

sometimes people do things you think they would never do,
or at least not to you...

and when it happens
you live them as if you were outside yourself, watching everything...

you even try to understand
yo analize the moment over and over in your head..
only to found out it happend just as you remember and there is not much to explain...

-anya damiron

i blame you..

for the memory that will forever be this...

19

ahora empiezan las despedidas, los abrazos y la palabras bonitas, y no se como despedirme...

me da rabia, mucha
saber que todas tus hipotesis
sea hagan hecho realidad
que a lo largo fuera exactamente asi

mas que nada me asusta, me aterroriza
pensar que tengas toda la razon
que vivir a tu estilo sea mejor
sin desiluciones, ni dolor
y que aislados tenemos el control

magia..

magia es
creer,
soñar
hacerlo realidad
fuerza para continuar
destellos de esperanza
ternura infinita
envidia bendita
lo que el alma necesita
hechizos espontaneos
todo el alrededor
seducción escondida
creacion de vida
explosión de imaginación
encanto y fascinación

magia
hace de la vida un juego
nace de tu cuerpo
creadora de paz
repleta de sonrisas
estremece tus sentidos
mi unica manera de sobrevivir

magia
es lo que me envuelve
y nace de mi

callar...

tanto hablar, anunciar y redundar
tanto discutir, compartir y transmitir
tanto avisar, informar y notificar
para al final callar exactamente lo que queremos revelar...

not the same..

my life is a series of changes.
a series of hits and misses, ghost and corpes.
i've lost alot and gained what i've taken.
this time next year i won't be the same anymore
i create my existence through change

ahora..

y ahora ya todo es diferente otra vez,
las conversaciones cambiaron de rumbo
las fotografias pintan nuevos colores
los lugares narran historias distintas
las canciones tocan nuevas melodias
los sueños buscan protagonistas
y ya nada es igual que ayer...

is it never really to late?

is it never really too late?
to care?
to decide?
to change our minds?
to fight?
to win?
is everything really redoable?
can we always change the course of things even after making a big mistake?
then i wonder, whats really the point...